Cats & Clowns
by WillWork4Bacon
Summary: AU, GamNep oneshot. Gamzee and Nepeta meet up again in a dream bubble, and Gamzee is much different than she remembers. Rated T for triggers. I do not own Homestuck, Andrew Hussie does.


**_*TRIGGER WARNING*_  
****-Self Harm  
-Sadstuck**

**Other than that, enjoy. Please leave a review.**

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Gamzee sat alone atop his hive. Well it wasn't really his hive as most of it was now destroyed. He was sitting where his respiteblock once was, but now was destroyed and open. His recupracoon sat there in the corner, though it was now slimeless. Empty Faygo bottles littered the floor and the horn pile was still there, though most of the horns did not work. In fact, in that that whole pile, only about 10 of them actually worked. He was facing out towards the ocean. It was somewhat peaceful despite the destroyed hive he now stayed in. But that was how he wanted it and he could have it that way now. He could live how he wanted in the dream bubble he resided in since he died. That one last battle did him in. His friends and the beta kids had arrived after three long years. They had managed to defeat The Condesce and had both Jacks kill each other off. Gamzee tried to kill them, he really did. He fought all of them on LOCAH. He managed to hold them off as long as he could, which was pretty long for fighting alone, but 8 god tier kids were too much for his fake god tier. Jade's powers far surpassed his own rage and he was ultimately defeated. He remembered his once best friend Karkat standing over him as he died, looking down in anger at his own moirail. Gamzee awoke in a dream bubble right after and found the A1 trolls found out about Kurloz's treachery and were rid of him. Gamzee was alone, all alone in the furthest ring and in the dream bubbles. He stayed far in the realms of the furthest ring though. He was farther away from everyone than Calliope when she was hiding. He knew his friends would come in when they dreamed but he never went to see them. He knew they knew he was here and he hid from them. He couldn't face them, not after what he did. He felt terrible, he must have spent near a sweep alone, contemplating everything he did, and wishing he could do it over again. But he couldn't face them. He knew they wouldn't listen, there was no way they'd forgive him or what he did. He just spent all his time alone in his own dream bubble, his destroyed hive overlooking the ocean where he once had to fend off sea dwellers, now he just fended off himself.

A 7 sweep old Nepeta began wandering the dream bubbles. Her friends were awake now and she wouldn't see them. She had Equius, Feferi, Tavros, and the dead half dead Sollux, along with all the doomed timelines, but she went of alone. She missed all her friends who were still alive. She would sometimes wander around the different dream bubbles to explore. She liked to venture out and see what lie out in the furthest ring. To her it felt like back when she would go adventure and hunt with Pounce. She had gone further than ever before this time, but still remembered the way back. She came upon a rather dreary looking place with gray grass everywhere. It sounded like there was an ocean nearby because she could hear the waves. She saw what looked like a destroyed tower of some sort off in the distance. She decided to go investigate. She got to the building and noticed it was someone's hive. The front door looked kicked in, and was barley hanging on. The recreationblock was messy and the couch was flipped over. It looked like a tornado hit but Nepeta continued to adventure anyway. She looked into the nutritionblock which looked like it never had been cleaned. There was very little food as most of the cabinets were open and half empty, and the fridge had no door and looked as if it was not working. She began to wonder who could live in a place like this. She headed upstairs to find only a ruined respiteblock. She noticed someone else was there. There was another troll sitting on the edge of the hive looking towards the ocean. The troll had wild, unmanaged black hair and two twisty horn sticking out of his head. He had his back turned and she wasn't sure if he noticed her. He looked familiar to her. Was that...

Gamzee was alerted to someone else being in his dream bubble when Nepeta put a foot on the floor of the respiteblock and it creaked. Gamzee perked up and turned his head slightly. His face paint was partly smeared like when he was sober, and the scars on his face were still visible. He saw his olive blooded peer staring at him and he just turned again. "oh... hey." he said to her very emotionless. She began to approach him. "Gamzee... is that you?" she noticed he was a lot more anti-social than when she knew him. He just stared out blankly at the sea. "yeah." he responded in the same tone. He really didn't feel like having this conversation after what he did to her. She began to approach him more. "What are you doing here? WE haven't seen you in years."

"maybe i don't want to be found." he replied back. Nepeta looked at him slightly disheartened. This wasn't the Gamzee she once knew. The fun loving clown was now a black hole of darkness and nihilism. "Why not?" she asked him. He just continued to stare off blankly out to sea. "why would anyone want to see ME?" he shouted on that last word like he did in his insane state. Nepeta cringed backwards on the shout then decided to keep trying to talk to him. "Gamzee, we haven't seen you in about sweep." she told him. He just brushed it off like it was nothing. "it's best you don't motherfucking find me." Nepeta felt pity for him. He seemed so sad and alone, even more than Ampora ever was. She was now standing behind him. He folded his arms together. "What's wrong Gamzee?" she noticed his sadness alound. He just turned from her once more. "it's nothing." he replied with a now slightly lonely tone. She sat down next to him on the ledge. He looked at her with one eye for a brief second. She smiled at him and he looked away again. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned his head, but not enough to look at her. "It's ok Gamzee. I'm not going to hurt you." she said in a very friendly tone. "no, but i don't want to hurt you." he turned his whole body.

"Gamzee, what's the matter?" she managed to catch him off guard and turned him so they were sitting the same direction, looking out at the ocean. He raised his arms from the folded position, and she could see why he had them that way. There were cuts all down his wrists, and there was purple dripping from them still. He other arm held a small knife. Nepeta held her hand to her mouth at this sight. "Gamzee, are you cutting yourself?" she asked him very shocked. He folded his arms again and glared out. "yeah, so motherfucking what?" he asked annoyed.

"You really shouldn't do that." she told him like Equius would lecture her.

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?" he yelled out like his sober state again. "who cares if i'm hurting myself? I DON'T DESERVE ANY FUCKING BETTER." he was now getting upset. Nepeta flinched back at first but then went back to her normal position. "That's not true Gamzee. Here, let me clean them out, they'll make scars."

"GOOD." he yelled and shot up. "i want them to scar. THEN PEOPLE WILL SEE I'M A MONSTER AND THEY'LL STAY AWAY. after everything i did... EVERYTHING I DID TO YOU I DON'T DESERVE ANY BETTER." Gamzee knelt down and began to break into tears. Nepeta frowned at seeing her clowny friend breaking down. In truth, she had forgiven him for what he did and wanted to make peace with him. But she now saw he couldn't make peace with himself. She knelt beside him and began to shoosh pap him. He soon stopped crying and looked at her through his purple tears streaming down his face. She smiled at him. "Gamzee it's ok. I forgive what you did to me. Don't be so hard on yourself. " she cupped his cheek and he held the back of her hand. "r-really?" he asked her, now starting to calm down. She nodded back at him. She grabbed his hand and they were both kneeling, facing each other. "I purromise.' she smiled. The smile began to return on Gamzee's face as well now. As he cheered up the hive began to rebuild itself. It quickly reformed back into the hive he once lived in on Alternia. 'Now come on, you have a guest who would lke to see your hive.' she stood up and offered her clown friend a hand. He wiped the last of the tears from his eyes and took her hand t stand up. They both headed downstairs as he gave her a tour of the hive.

After they were done, Gamzee lead her back down to the nutritionblock for some food. He pulled out cherry Faygo from his coolingdevice (fridge) and opened it up. The red drank gave a fizzing sound as it opened which caught Nepeta's attention. Gamzee took a swig of it and offered it to her. "Wanna try some sis?" he asked. She looked at the bottle curiously. She had always wondered what it tastes like but never cared to ask. She took the 2 liter bottle and took a gulp. Its cherry sweetness and fizz was unfamiliar to her but welcome. She drank some more and decided she liked this new drink. She and Gamzee shared the bottle at the bar in front of the coolingdevice. "This is really good Gamzee, I can't believe everyone wasn't trying this.' she told him. He gve one of his old big, sheepish smiles at her "Yeah, Karbro wa always calling it slop and..." he began to frown t the mention of Karkat. He remembered the look of disapointment he had given him right before he died. Gamzee's old pain was starting to return. Nepeta noticed and grabbed his hand "It's ok Gamzee, i'm here fur you." she smiled at him kindly. He smiled back and then drnk the last of the Faygo. He tossed the bottle into the trash unit and it swooped in like a basketball. Nepeta threw her arms up and yelled "Two points!" Gamzee chuckled honks at that. She put her arms down as they smiled at each other. Nepeta's eyes shifted upward then ans she looked surpried. "It's late, I should head back befur the others get here." she got up from the stool she was sitting on. Gamzee came around the counter s she headed for the door. She turned to say goodbye and found the clown hugging her. "Thank you." he told her very seriously. She hugged him back in a warm embrace. "It's no purroblem Gamzee." they hugged for a minute then Gamzee let go of her. "I'll be back tomorrow again, purromise." and with that she skipped out and left. Gamzee stood there in the doorway with a large grin on his face. For the first time in a long time, he was happy.

All the humans, alive troll, dead alpha session trolls, and A1 trolls gathered in a single dream bubble. Part of it was Prospit, part of it was the meteor, but everyone was gathered in the part that was Rose's land in SBURB. They were all scattered about the house. In the living room sat Nepeta, Rose, Kanaya, Karkat, Mituna, Latula, Terezi, Dave, John, Feferi, and Equius. They were all watching as Dave demonstrated his Earthly rap skills. "Oh my gog, Strider do you take pride in making a fool of yourself?' Karkat blurted out. Dave glared back at him through his shades. "Come on little dude, I thought it was rad!" Latula said smiling at him. She was standing behind the loveseat as Mituna was in front of her. "Yeah dude, isn't your clown best friend the one who does that?" Dave smirked at Karkat. Nepeta's head perked up at the mention of Gamzee. Karkat just growled back. "Do NOT even remind me of that clown asshole." he growled at Dave. "Oh come on, are you really still mad Karkat?" Nepeta asked him curiously. Karkat just facepalmed then turned to her. "Yes i'm still mad. Have you forgotten he bashed you head in?" he asked furiously. Mituna frowned at the ground, and Lautla looked at him curiously. "I Mizthh Kurlozth." he mumbled. She gave him a comforting hug. "I have to agree Karkat." Kanaya added in "Gamzee's left us alone for about a sweep now, maybe you should forgive him." Karkat looked at her strangely, like she just said something completely out of character. "Forgive him? After what he did? He threw Sollux and Eridan into a spirte together, who does that?" He threw his arms up in the air at the last part. He'll never forget the shock at seeing his best friend stuck in the same body as someone that may have well been his Kismesis. "Well it's been forever since you've seen him." John added. Karkat glared at him and John decided to stop talking. "Vantas, it's only in his nature to..." Karkat quickly went to cut Equius off. "Oh don't give me that hoofbeast shit. He's a fucking psychopath, it's not the blood caste shit, he just is out of his fucking mind."

"Karkat..." Nepeta tried to talk but was ignored. "It is not in anyone's fucking nature to strangle someone with their own broken bow, collect dead bodies, or help the lord of fucking death. He's just..."

"Shut up! Will you just shut up!" Nepeta yelled out and stood up. Everyone looked at her in shock. Yelling was something Nepeta had practically never done before. Even through the countless times Eridan would try to hit on her, she never yelled. "I'll have you know I actually saw Gamzee earlier. He feels absolutely terrible about everything. He isolated himself so he wouldn't hurt anyone ever again and he's been cutting." the expression on Karkat's faced dropped at this news. His feelings of anger turned into guilt and self-hatred for his stupidity. Nepeta turned and began to walk to the door. "Where are you going?" Terezi asked. "I'm going to see Gamzee again." Nepeta said as she walked out the door. As she opened it Karkat yelled out "Nepeta, wait!" she turned to him. He looked rather sad "When you see him, could you tell him... tell him i'm sorry... and I want to make things rights between me and him." Nepeta's stern face shifted back to a smile. "Sure Karkat." and with that she left.

Gamzee stood on the beach, looking out towards the ocean. He founds the waves calming now that he wasn't in danger of sea dwellers. Nepeta crept up on him from behind. She reared up and pounced a yard or so behind him. She landed in his shoulders and he stood, holding up her weight. She rested her head on top of his like she would sometimes with Equius. He smiled and looked up at her. "Hey sis." he greeted her. "Hi Gamzee, whatcha doing?" she asked him, still on his shoulders. He was taller than her and a bit taller than Equius. "Just staring out at the motherfucking ocean. It's a giant miracle." he said now in his normal tone from when she used to know him. He had kicked his sopor addiction, and was now back to control himself. Nepeta got down from his shoulders and stood next to him. "Gamzee." she said gently. He looked down at her. "Hmm?" he was taller than her by quite a bit. Her head reached up to almost his breast plate, but still at his chest. "Karkat says he wants to make things right between you two." Gamzee's face shifted into a confused surprise. "Oh..." he said blankly. He turned to go into his hive. "Gamzee, where are you going?" she began to follow him. He continued to walk to his hive. Gamzee, please talk to me." she got in front of him and he stopped. "What's wrong?" she looked up at him. She looked so adorable to him he couldn't resist. "I just... I don't know if I can face him... or anyone. After what I did, i'm to ashamed to show my face." he looked down in shame. Nepeta frowned at seeing him like this. She gave him a big hug. He was caught off guard by this, but then hugged her back. Deep down they were both feeling something, warm feelings of being in each others' embrace. He took her hat off and wore it on his head. She giggled at seeing him wearing her hat. "Maybe if I go back like this." she smiled, holding her hands up to her mouth, though they were inside her trench coat. Gamzee noticed her hair. He had never seen her hair since she was always wearing a hat. He hair was short and slightly messy. He thought it made her look cute. He cupped his hand around her cheek. "You're really pretty, ya know that?" she held her hand to his and her cheeks blushed olive green. He gave her the blue hat back and she put it back on. "Alright, i'll go see him." Nepeta began to lead him to the others. She held out her hand and he took it as they walked together to reunite Gamzee with everyone.


End file.
